musings on the film “Ordinay People” …

from a journal:
July 13, 1981
I am  still on a plane destined for Chicago (note to reader- I was returning from  a tour of Europe seeing new things through the fresh idealistic eyes of a 15 year old youth) and I just finished watching the movie Oridanary People for the second time. Although I really love this movie it depresses me terribly. Right now I feel really awful because the movie depresses me and reminds me of things in my life that have/are getting me down…I think of things that are troubling me…I think about bad times I have had in my life. I don’t like this but in a way I feel it is a good thing as it keeps me in touch with reality. I think what I really want right now is someone I can talk to openly, and someone that can confide in me. I feel like everyone has someone they call their best freind and I don’t feel I really have someone like this.
* * * * * * *
The scene now that moves me the most is when Donald Southerland as Calvin says to Mary Tyler Moore as Beth something to the effect of “…when I was getting dressed for Bucky’s funeral I put on a blue shirt and you told me to wear a white shirt and the other shoes…why Beth did it matter what I had on my feet for Gods’s sake Beth I was getting dressed to go to our son’s funeral…why did it matter what I wore?”

* * * * * * *

This made me cry for Grandma Harriet who outlived her first born son Philip, my dear Daddy. Did she cry privately? I know at first she  did not want to lay the red rose my sister provided for family memebrs to place on his casket at Arlington National Cemetary but did with the aid of Daddy’s brother Jim…so sad…so sad to burry a son…a husband…a brother…a father… a pappa…an uncle… a friend…a great man and a hero…

I love and miss you Daddy…thanks for all…you know I am trying to make a new life for myself and I appreciate your guidance from a place of peace and beauty…love your son Gregory Shane Nuber


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